Barsexuality is the new black.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Let's paint friendship bongs
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
