Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
