I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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