Me too!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
