I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
