So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
