he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Every concussion has its silver lining
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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