So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
