just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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