She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize