There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
