i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
