dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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