You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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