READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
