She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
