$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
