Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
