Kiss
Puke
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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