You're completely useless in the revolution.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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