woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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