Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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