Swine flu. Run for my life!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
