I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
