just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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