Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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