I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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