"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
