Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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