You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
