I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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