It's like God shit irony all over that family
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
