all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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