this boner is exhausting
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
