Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
