White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
