You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
