I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
