I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
