his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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