I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
