I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
wanna go halves on a baby?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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