does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
