That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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