Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
