I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
