She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
