Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
