I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
