Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
