My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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