honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
