You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
