dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
