I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We're too hungover to prance.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
