What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
