so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
