guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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