How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
