I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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