I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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