I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
