I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
