how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
