all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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