I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
