we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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