Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
