it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
