My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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