Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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