Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
