I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
