Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
