am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
