A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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