I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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