If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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