I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
