So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
