do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
