stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
