i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
