I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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